Enjoying Yourself, Friday

It’s Friday, It’s Friday😎😍

Wow this week went by so fast. Can’t believe it’s Friday. I hope everyone week has been well. I also hope everyone has done everything they set there mind to! I know I have.

Since it’s Friday and I have nothing planned I decided to peg this day EbonyMonae Day. This is my day to relax and just do things I have not done in a while like seeing a movie by myself in my pjs at the theater. I will be getting my car washed. I am going to work out and maybe take a nap.

For dinner tonight I will be making me some dinner in my brand new wok( I am obsessed with learning to cook Chinese food). I will be renting movies from RedBox. Those things come in handy, but I do miss Blockbusters or Hollywood Videos(who remembers that?)

Hope everyone has a great Friday. I know Friday’s are hectic at people’s job but remember too have patience with others and look on the bright side because the weekend begins in a couple of hours. Everyone enjoy your Friday😝

XoXo EbonyMonae💗💗

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Helping others, Homeless, OCK TV, Quotes

What would YOU DO??

While scrolling down my Face Book newsfeed I came upon this video I am about to post. The things I saw on this video made me so angry, ashamed and hurt.

This man who did not have anything gave the only thing he had that was the coat on his back and  a couple of dollars. He even gave the young boy advice. “I messed up in life”, he told the young boy.  What you did for this young boy says more to us that WE HAVE MESSED UP.  I was angry that no one stopped and helped him, despite people actually looking at him. You can clearly see that it is freezing on the streets of NYC, yet people kept walking by him.

One of my favorite stories in the bible is:

Mark 12:43-44  (NIV)

43: Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44: They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.” 

What this man did reminded me of this story.  I am ashamed because I too am at fault because most of the time I have a one track mind to get where I am going. I was hurt because what if this was not a social experiment? This young boy would have froze too death and not one person would of batted an eye lash.  I can’t help everyone but just helping one person a day or a week makes a huge difference to the person we are helping. We don’t have to give money all the time, a coat, or cup of coffee or even lunch will suffice. Its knowing that we helped someone thats makes all the difference. If we don’t help one another than whats truly the purpose of living? We have to be mindful that others have it worse than us. Humanity has to be mindful of how we treat one another.

Parting quote “If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up doing nothing for nobody”.

XoXo EbonyMonae

Inner Strength, Oscars, Womans Rights

Amazing Speech🙌👏

There were other great speeches at the oscars but this one stole the cake for me.

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This speech was an inspiring one. As a young woman it was always instilled in my head that I have to work harder than a man because of my vagina. And often times even harder than a white woman because the color of my skin dictates my pay and sometimes my rights as a human being. My vagina should not stop me from having equal pay or equal rights.

It is the 21st century and woman are still fighting for equal rights. It was over 95 years ago that women were given the right to vote. To this day were a still fighting for other rights. Members of Congress declares a woman should not have abortions its a sin and morally not right. I am pro life but I am also pro choice. It is a woman’s choice what to do with her body. My body is my body and no man or woman should dictate what should be done to it. I have that right ONLY me. When obtaining a job and a man and I have the same qualifications we should both get the same amount of pay as my male counterparts. It’s not right that just because he is a man he is considered the head of household or bread winner of the family that he gets more money. More woman are the bread winners for their families while more fathers are becoming stay at home fathers.

We have to stand up for each other and have an united front✊. If no one does who will? I am with others who feel that it is about time us woman have equal pay and rights. This is an serious problem our nation faces among others.

Inner Strength, love Yourself, Monday, Words of Wisdom

Words of Wisdom💗

Good Morning everyone HAPPY MONDAY💜.

Its that time again to begin the new week just how you want it. Its a brand new week to start fresh, eat healthy, work out💪. This week do all the things you could not do last week. Be nice to others who are not nice to you. Smile more😀. Laugh more 😂. Think positive this week do not allow negative thoughts to even enter your mind. Remember you are way stronger than you will ever realize.

This week I pledge that I will do all the things in my planner on that day and not push it to another day. I have a lot of things going on this week. Senior photos with cap and gown(finalllyyyyyy 😍😍😍). Dentist appointment (I do not like having my teeth prodded lol, who does right?). Working both jobs this week. I have laundry ( I miss the days where my mom just use to pick it up and do it for me, those were the days). I also have a date, its been so long since I went out on a date with a guy that I am so nervous. I usually just hang with my guys friends and watch stars wars or something. This is an actually date where I have to wear a dress.  But in the forefront of my mind I will be happy, I will think positive thoughts.  No one will take my shine. I will laugh and smile more.

So going forth in the new week remember those words from above. Be happy this week💗.

XOXO EbonyMonae😘

Inner Strength, love Yourself

Another Epic Poet📝

Still on my poetry kick. I found another amazing poet and his poem has been on repeat on my iPhone all evening long, so much so I had to write another post about it. This poet is amazing. The way he delivers his poem shows how powerful his words are. His poem is titled “Knock Knock” and boy do you get goosebumps when hearing it.  In his poem he speaks of the things he wished his father told him.  Growing up I had a father figure in the household but it was like he was never their as we were never close and he rarely spoke to me, so it was really like had no father. This poem made me think about it. His words were dead on to what I wish my father would have said to me.  Lines that stuck out to me “Dribble the page with the brilliance of your ballpoint pen, walk like a god and your goddess will come to you. No longer will I be there to knock on doors you must learn to knock for yourself. Knock Knock down doors of racism and poverty that I could not. Knock Knock on doors of opportunity for the lost brilliance of black men that crowd these cells. Knock Knock with diligence for the sake of your children. Knock Knock for me, for as long as you are free these prison gates can not contain my spirit. The best of me still lives in you. Knock Knock with the knowledge that you are my son but you are not my choices. Yes we are our fathers sons and daughters but we are not there choices, but despite there absences we are still here, still alive, still breathing with the power to change this world one little girl and boy at a time.” 

Take a minute and let all that sink in. Wow right. Thats how I am feeling. The last part of his poem is so strong and powerful. It just moved me. “No longer will I be there to knock on doors, you must learn to know for yourself.” How many people can relate to doing this because you had no father or mother to do this for you? I know I can. I had parents but it was like I was alone most of the time. So I had to learn to do a lot of things on my own. I wish I could say I knocked down doors of racism and poverty but I have not. “…..you are my son but you are not my choices.” Love that whole sentence. Some people carry the burden of the choices their parents have made in there life. You have to understand that your parents made those choices and you can not carry them with you.  Power to change this world one little girl and boy at a time. That sentence man.  All to often we forget that the next generation of leaders need a lot of guidance.  Powerful poem and message.

XoXo EbonyMonae

 

 

love Yourself, Poetry Poem Poet

Amazing Poet, Amazing Poem!!

I was on my Facebook page and I saw someone post this video of this young woman. One of my favorite things to watch and hear is slam poetry.  I love it.  Ever since I read a book by Colleen Hoover called Slammed. I was in LOVEEEEEE with it, I have even wrote some myself. This poem piggy backs what I was saying about be called a “White Girl”. This poet took it to another level and described how we are not the average black girl because others before us are the average black girl. These ladies paved new waves for us as woman of color.  Favorite lines in the poem ” the average black girl have courage that surpassed her every fear and fought for justice and equality year after year. As I construct these words pardon me if I shed a tear because I am not half the Black girl she was. I am not half the black girl she was, see there is a minor clause. She was out there fighting, breaking and changing laws. These words just stuck out to me. I wish I could say I am doing something so profound like this in my life. Standing up for others and making a difference in the world is the most rewarding thing a person can do. Thank you for reminding me of that. I hope you enjoy this poem as much as I did.

Xoxo EbonyMonae

50 Shades, Movie Review

Movie Review Fifty Shades 💋

4 Oh So Disappointing Stars.

Too start off I am a 50 shades fan to death. I read all the books in 1 week. I loved EL James trilogy and no trilogy since then has even surpassed the national attention this book has caused. Let’s start off saying I am an avid reader by heart it’s my passion it’s what I love to do so reading about sex scenes are nothing new to me but I will say this she has opened my eyes to darker erotica books I now enjoy by other authors.

The movie it self was good I will say that. The characters were not anybody of my choosing but this movie had so many actors and actresses dropping out so I can understand the frustration with just saying what the hell and pick anyone. And still too many BDSM is still a taboo and controversial topic. To me not so much. Anastasia she grew on me I was pleasantly surprised by the actress Dakota Johnson as her first lead role she did a great job.

Now to Mr. Grey played by Jamie Dornan I was disappointed in his character I wanted more from him. I wanted a darker Christian. More of a stern and slightly wicked portrayal than what I got. I think the reason so many wanted to see it was because of Mr. Grey he lived in so many women and men’s fantasy. The actor did not pull it off. Certain lines like “I don’t make love, I fuck” did not sound right coming from his mouth and I actually laughed. I mean full belly laughed because until I was shhed. Bottom line Jamie has to work on his portrayal of Christian because he was lacking in some areas. That’s one of the reasons the movie was four stars.

Second reason was the little things from the book you could of added such as the beginning of the book when Anastasia walked into Mr. Grey’s office she fell and he caught her. In the movie it did not happen. Also in the Red Room of Pain his pants button was undone. Again in the movie that was not the case. I do recall in an interview that EL James took she wanted to keep it as original as possible which is understandable because it’s your book coming to the big screen. But something as small as this was disappointing to see.

The movie did have parts I did like. The sex scenes were just how I imagined them to be. Her mom pissed me off in both the movie and the book. Ana’s wanting more of Christian was portrayed very well you saw her earnest in in the way she read her lines.

All in all the movie was not bad. I enjoyed it. It was a great time to spend with the girlfriends and have a girls night. It was worth my money to say the least. I will be seeing it again to see maybe if I missed anything or if it was just the hype of the night. I urge readers to go see the movie if your into it I mean.

💋💋 EbonyMonae

p.s
Yes I made an airbrushed shirt for the night. I am just that dorky😎

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Quotes, Inner Strength

One of my Favorite Quotes 💜

“I will be more than what expect of me because my greatness you will never see.”

This quote has got me through some tough times in my life when I felt like people were putting me down and not seeing my worth. I found this quote in a book called FanGirl Squeal(which I am reading again). This quote made me realize that people will never see your true potential either because they don’t believe in you or the scared of the potential you may have to rise above them.

For years I let myself listen to words of others. Let others tare me down whether it was my dreams, goals, looks. People have made me feel stupid and inferior to them.
It’s crazy how a quote can put things in perspective for a person. That’s what those sixteen words did for me. Apart those words are just simple words but together they have the power to change a lot in ones life.

My greatness will always come from within. If people can’t see that then it’s a shame because they are missing out on a pretty amazing person that I am.

Final thoughts: their will be people in this world that are here to break you, to stop you from achieving your most greatest achievements. But realize this the only person that’s is really stopping you is YOU. People will never have nothing nice to say but if you listen too your own words of encouragement and see your true potential trust me when I say this, their is not a person alive that can stop you💜.

XoXo EbonyMonae

Authors, BWWM, Romance Novel, Wattpad

Following a Goal of Mines.

http://www.wattpad.com/99607054-one-step-at-a-time-chapter-one

2015 is all about me coming out of my shell. I want to do the things I was afraid to do in the past. I also want too try new things. With that being said. I have started to write my very own novella. This is something that I have always wanted to do. I like to read as I have mentioned in previous posts. Reading is my passion. If I do not read a book at least once a week then something is very wrong. I have already read a book this week. Its was a great read.

But back to the topic on hand. I have started to write a novella. It won’t be a novel because they are to long to write and I want to keep it short but sweet. The story that I am writing it just came out of me. I don’t know where it came from. One minute I was laying down in bed about to drift off to sleep when this story line popped in my mind. This always seems to happen to me. When I have to write a paper for school it happens as well. Its like my best writing comes when I am about to fall a sleep. It is the most annoying thing in the world. Does this happen to other people? If so i would greatly like to know.  I just had to get up and let my creative juices flow. It was at least 12am in the morning when I begun to write this story. The next thing I noticed it was 10 am. I was so deep in writing that I did not even realize how much time had passed. It was like I had a one track mind to get the story out on paper.

When I was discussing this with my friend I was so excited about others reading it and falling in love with my characters as I have. Then as I thought about it all the self doubt came in. I started to not believe in myself anymore. I started become shy about my work. Having your friends read what you have wrote is one thing but having others read it is a totally different ball game I was not ready for until I saw a quote on Pinterest “You can never cross the ocean unless you have courage to lose sight of the shore” Basically I was playing it safe. I was being afraid of my abilities. My friend told me your not going to be a great author and improve if your afraid to listen too others feedbacks. And she was 100 percent right. I have read books that were just awful but I left a review that I thought as a reader will help the author get better with time.

So I am not going to be afraid of what others think of my work. Its not going to be perfect as this is my first try. One thing is for sure I did give it my all. I am proud of myself for getting this far in what I have written. You can read the Novella on wattpad. I have included the link above but I will include the first chapter here on the bottom for you to read. If you like what you read leave an honest comment and if you don’t like what you have read still leave an honest comment. Thank you in advance for you honesty of my work.

XOXO EbonyMonae

p.s Happy Reading!!

One Step At a Time

By EbonyMonae(All Rights Reserved)

Chapter one

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

I woke up to loud banging. Taking the pillow off my head, I turned to look at the alarm clock it read 5:00 AM. Who the hell would be calling at this hour?  Maybe if I ignore them this banging will stop I say to myself.  BANG! BANG! BANG!  Fuck this, I just fell asleep three hours ago getting off at the diner.  BANG! BANG! BANG!

“Fuckkkkkk.” I yell can I get any damn sleep at all between work and school and interning I don’t get enough sleep.

As the banging continued I got myself out of my bed and yelled “I’m fucking coming, keep banging like that your going to wake the dead.”

The banging stopped immediately. I walked to the door and looked through the peephole and there was no one around. It might be one of those Be’Be’’s kid’s from apartment five playing around on peoples doors again, if it was I was going to be beating someone’s kids ass today.  I opened the door to yell at the kids and saw no one. Still looking around, I am getting pissed now because I don’t have the time for these kids today. With finals fast approaching and the internship getting competitive I had a lot on my plate and anything lately has been setting me off.

Hearing whimpering I looked down and saw the most beautiful baby in the car seat sitting on my doorstep. I am in complete shock.  Like what the hell? I immediately close the door thinking it’s a dream or even a bad joke someone is playing on me.  Sending a quick prayer to god that this is indeed my tired eye’s playing tricks on me. I open the door a smidge and see the baby still their.  As I opened it wider I see the guy from apartment 2b walk by and ask, “Did you see anyone put this child here?” The reply I received was “fuck off!” Well that just about answers it.

I bend down to see if there is at least a note attached and indeed there is one.  Picking up the car seat and the diaper bag I walk into the apartment, close the door and then I set both of them down on my couch.  They baby is looking up at me and I am staring at her and for five minutes we just sit and stare at each other. She has deep chocolate skin and big hazel eyes with long lashes with a head full of curls. This baby is just gorgeous, who would leave a baby like this. Its like we are sizing each other up but in my mind I am saying “who are you and why are you here?”

Suddenly I remember the note. I reach into the car seat and grab the note. It’s looks like its on hotel stationary, the ones that comes in every room. Quickly I read the note and then I re-read the letter to make sure I am reading it correctly.

Dear A’Yanna,

I know we have not been very close over the years, well not at all. My life is hectic right now. I had a baby. I know what you’re thinking I had a baby because we both know I have a figure to die for.  I hid my pregnancy because it would ruin my career. I am not cut out to be a parent that’s always been your thing. Out of the two of us you have always been the motherly type. I am asking you to take care of her. My career is in its prime now. I am traveling all over the world and seeing different things, meeting a lot of important people vital to my career, I do not have the time to be a mom, and the thing I do know is the life I lead is not for her. I know you’re in school and all so I know you will raise her right + plus give her the things she needs. Just take care of Asha Noelle and I have included all of her medical records, birth certificate and the formula she is on. She has to use a special type of formula because she has acid reflux.

Monica

If anyone were with me after I got done reading this letter they would of most likely saw my eyes bulging out of its sockets.  Just like Monica to run from her responsibilities. Every since we were kids she has been doing this and getting away with it. Not this time it’s a life we are talking about here not some job, boyfriend or mistakes you made. This is a life that you created and your damn well going to face this responsibility.  I can’t rescue her any longer I have done my part for her since I was thirteen years old I was the mother, sister and father to her. She will not choose her career over this child.

“Ugh just like your mama”. I yelled to the child. Since I can remember I have always been trying to clean up their mess.  From mother to child. Our mother was a young teen mother and I had to basically raise myself after my grandparents died.  Then she goes off and meets Monica’s dad Tyrone and those two dumb assess should not even think about having a baby because they both had the mind of a child.  I was fourteen when Monica was born and since then I have always been the mother to her and the adult to my mother and Tyrone at times.

Suddenly the baby started to wail, I would not call that a cry because this child had some lungs on her. I was just so stunned that Monica would do this to this child. I was torn between picking her up or just leaving her. My life was finally on track with where I want it to be and here comes Monica to just slash it with her irresponsibility again. As she continued to cry I was waging war on what to do. I don’t do well with change I like the constancy of life and a set schedule. Should I call CPS? Should I do this for Monica? Can I do this for Monica I am barely making ends meet as it is, I say to myself as I pace the living room. Noelle continued to cry. I was so torn between what was right and what I wanted in my life. I swung around and looked at the child again with my decision made. I lifted her up and she threw up all over me. Lord help me. I do not know what my next step was but I knew i had to go one step at a time.

After cleaning us both up.  I made her a bottle and rocked her with the rocking chair Mrs. Berta gave me when I first moved in. She looked up at me with big hazel eyes as she drank from her bottle. Her eyes never left mines they looked so trusting of me. If only she knew the war that was waging in me. Suddenly she reached up and her hand and I took her finger in mines and she held onto my pinky finger. As her lids began to get heavy she held onto my fingers never once letting go. Taking the bottle from her mouth I burped her but still continued to rock her slowly in the chair.

Thinking about it the rocking chair it was one of the first piece of furniture I had when I moved in and I could not bear to part with it as I got more money and upgraded to decent furniture from the thrift store two blocks away.  Looking around at my apartment I was proud of myself.  I came far in my life. My furniture was not by any means expensive but it was nice, affordable and comfortable due to the many weekends my best friend Ornella and I spent scourging thrift shops. The color scheme was colorful but not overly so. The living room consisted of a brown couch with beige pillows and creamy beige loveseat with deep brown pillows and of course the rocking chair.

After laying the baby down on my bed. I went to my laptop and did some research on her condition and noticed that the milk was going to be expensive. I looked over her medial records and noticed that she still needed to get her shots. I also realized that some day- cares wouldn’t take them unless Asha  get’s her shots.

After finding the number that was attached to her medical records I hoped they were open as it was still early. I dialed the number and all it did was ring and ring.  I hung up and redialed. On the third ring a person on the other end picked up and he sounded angry.

“Hello” they said.

“Good morning, is this Dr. Trenton’s office?” I asked.

“It’s to early for this shit”

“Excuse me?”  I could tell I was going to have to curse this guy out by the end of this phone call because he was grating my nerves already.

“What”

“First of all if this is place of business?”

“Yes.”

“Then you do not answer the damn phone that way.” I replied getting pissed.

“Do not tell me how to answer the phone miss.” He replied.

“If you answer the phone in a appropriate manner then I would not have to.” I replied.

“What do you want?” He sounded weird, drunk or hung over maybe.

“I am calling to make an appointment for my-”

“I’m not taking on any new patients at this time so good-”

“Listen asshole Noelle is not a new patient according to her records.”

“Well your number did not come up in our system, so I assumed-”

“You now what people say about people who ASSume things right”

“Please enlighten me?” He sounded like he was getting annoyed. His voice was rising slightly.

“I do not need to because you already know the answer to that, I called to make an appointment for Asha to get her shots can you tell me your earliest appointment?”

“Is it Asha or Noelle?”

“I don’t know what name to call her I like both does it matter, her last name is Thompson?” I sat back thinking of what to call her. Beginning to think why Monica named her both names.

“Yes it does matter, because on her chart its Asha not Noelle and we do not want to get her mixed up with other patients Miss. Enlightened one.” He replied with an attitude.

“Well if that is the case I will call her Noelle.” Clearly saying that to get on his nerves.

“What type of shots does she need?” He asked annoyed now.

“Look at her chart and you tell me?” I shot back.

“You’re her parent you shouldn’t you know these things ahead of time?”

“I am not her parent and I would guess the first round of shots since she is three months old and from her paperwork it looks like she has not had any as of yet.” I replied through gritted teeth.

“ Typical with you parents now a days, we have this Friday the 13th at 1pm?” Was his reply.

Now I am getting really mad at this asshole for implying that he knew my story or anything about my life. Just like a person to pass judgment on someone else. People are always so quick to pass judgement on me, been happening all my life.

“Typical parent? Typical parent I am two seconds away from cursing your ass out. You don’t know anything about my life so how dare you pass any type of judgment on me.  If I did not need this appointment at the earliest convenience, I would most defiantly take her to another office where the patients are treated with respect and kindness, you can schedule her for that time frame. And lastly I AM HER AUNT” With that I slammed the phone down.

He really pissed me off, I do not let people get to me easily growing up the way I did you have to develop a thick skin. With a quick glance at the clock it was 7:00.  I had to rush to get ready if I was going to make it to the office by 8:15 the latest. Making sure she was still a sleep. I rushed to get ready throwing anything on and doing a quick makeup regime.  Looking in the mirror at my usually bright eyes had dark circles under them. My hair was not its usual big self since I did not twist it before going to sleep it was all over my head so a sleek puff was all that could tame that beast on my head. My dark brown skin did not look its usual self and primer was not going to help with that. I still looked like hell but this would have to do in the meantime.  What I needed was more sleep but there was not enough time in the day.

Coming out of the bathroom I looked at Noelle sleeping having know idea what I was going to do with her.  Only person I could depend on was the neighbors in my building, my best friend, and Aunt Gina. We were all close but the closest was my best friend, thank the lord she lived next door. I know she would be awake working on book of some sort.  She was an accountant by day and writer by night.

love Yourself, Valentines Day

The Month of Love and What it Means to Me

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Its February and the month of Love. Everywhere you turn you see nothing but pink and red. As Valentines Day approaches it is a day people look forward too and a day others dread. In the beginning of the year I took a pledge. Every month it would be a month for me to work on something I feel I lack. Last month it was eating healthy and starting a healthy life style. I stuck to my guns I have cut out sweets, sodas(only drunk it occasionally), starting eating more healthy, starting working out everyday. I set goals for this year and what I want it to mean to me.

The month of February is about love correct? Well I pledge to love myself. Love who I am. Love the person I am becoming. Love my natural hair, love my big boobs, love my round belly, love my thighs that touch each other. Loving yourself is the first step to loving someone else. I have always struggled to love who I am. Looking to others to love me first rather than my own self. For years I LET others mistreat me, believing in there own twisted way that they loved me. Since then I have grown. So in the month of love I am pledging love to myself.

Many might see this post and think she’s single or hating on Valentines Day. That is their opinion but that is not the case. 2015 for me is all about growth and prosperity. They are right to think that I am single but I do not hate on others who have someone to spend Valentines Day with. Last month it was about beginning the year right and starting a healthy lifestyle.  To all others who struggle with self doubt and loving themselves I hope my post reminds you to love yourself. Do not let others dictate how you fell about yourself. If you have a lover or not on Valentines Day treat yourself even if its getting yourself a little gift. Nothing is more beautiful  than a person loving who they are!

XOXO EbonyMonae

p.s

Happy Valentines Day<3