So I am reading this book and a scene in the book brought me to tears. One of the characters in the book brother was gay. His father wouldn’t accept him as a gay man. So he lived his life to please his father and in the end he couldn’t take it, he committed suicide. That scene bothered me. I just started to cry. I didn’t know why either. I read emotional scenes in books before, but for some reason this scene really stuck with me. I knew that I had to do some deep thinking on this one because I couldn’t stop crying. After I reflected on it. I figured out why this scene bothered me.
I too have lived my life to make other people happy. Who hasn’t? In life you deal with things and forget about it. Today my unconscious mind was telling me something different.
Growing up I always wanted make others proud of me. Having people disappointed in me is my greatest fear. My mother wanted me to be a nurse so I started pursuing that. For seven years of my life I worked in a nursing home. The first few years were great towards the end I was so unhappy. Yet I stayed because my mother like me to do it and the the guy I was dating at the time thought it was a good source of income. It didn’t matter that I was unhappy or miserable. They were happy so I internalized there happiness for my own, even when I hated working there.
I had to go through depression to understand that I was never living my life for me. I was living my life for others. That’s what this scene in the book made me remember; a time in my life I tried to forget. Some memories are painful but they are also lessons. My lesson was to live my life for ME!
We only get one go at this life. Do not live it for anyone else but yourself. I know you may feel scared, but twenty years from now when you look back will you be happy you did this or miserable because you didn’t?
Learned that it’s okay to say No,
“What good are wings without the courage to fly”. Atticus