Confess, Faith, Inner Strength, Inspiration, Inspirational blogger, Life, lifestyle, lifestyle blogger

I’m Scared! 

I don’t even know where to begin with this post so I’m just going to start. 

When I was 25 I was diagnosed with AVNRT which is Atrioventricular Nodal Reentry Tachycardia. Which basically means I was born with an extra piece of tissue in my heart and sometimes the electricity in my heart hits it and throws off the heartbeat which causes me to have palpitations, chest pain, tightening of chess and etc. 

When I heard that at 25 I was just like this is can’t be real. I have been healthy my whole life. I first had those symptoms in early November  of 2014 I ended up going to the hospital and they found something totally different. Now that I think about it this diagnosis saved my life. By the time I got to the hospital the symptoms where gone but they found I had a pulmonary embolism on my lung which is a blood clot.    

They ended up treating me for that but two weeks later I’m right back in the ER for the AVNRT. It was pretty scary ordeal. I had people everywhich way. I felt like I was on an epeisode of ER. That was the night they diagnosed me.

 For the past three years I have been dealing with this. It’s been pretty damn scary. Most people might think I’m complaining because other people are way more sicker than me. Which I get but in that moment in my life I was scared. I didn’t know if my heart was going to go out, have a heart attack, or my blood clots came back. I was plain ol’ scared out of my mind. You know what I didn’t tell anybody just kind of put it out of my mind type of thing. When the symptoms came I knew how to stop them until last week. Because now my fear is back. 

Last week I couldn’t stop them those symptoms came back x10. I felt like I was having a heart attack (never had a heart attack) but sure felt like I was dying. 

Now I have to do a procedure where they have to basically cut off that piece of  tissue. It’s an in and out procedure but I’m freaking scared. Anything can go wrong. There’s a possibility they may not find it or a possibility it can be something else entirely. 

I still don’t know why I am writing this post. I guess just to put my fears to blog (hahaha can’t say paper).  I can say I feel better about the whole dang on thing. Still pretty scared but I feel better got my thoughts out. 

Xoxo,

E

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Trust Your Journey! 

  
Happy Friday Loves💜! 

It’s Friday! Finally I can unwind and relax. NOT! Busy weekend coming up! Enough about me. How is everyone doing? I hope you had an amazing week. I hope you did all the things you wanted to do. I hope you stuck to you healthy eating plan. I hoped you walked away from people that hurt you. I hope you stood up for yourself. If not there is always tomorrow OR right now. Remember life is too short to waste on tomorrow’s. Right now in this moment claim your life back. 

My message to you on this Friday is don’t give up. Life will confuse you. Life will knock you down. Keep on fighting the good fight. Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP! I believe that anything you put your mind to you can achieve. 

Last week I applied to take the civil service test for child protective services in my county. I actually take it a month away. Then on Wednesday I received an email for a per Diem job opportunity working with foster children. God is amazing! A couple of months ago I was  lost with my life. No plan, no direction. Now I have a job opportunity. Maybe I will like it. Maybe I won’t. But I will say that I’m going to try it. I don’t want to sit back and let opportunities pass me by.   

Life is all about learning and growing. I am learning about me. I told you guys in previous post for too long I have put so many people before me. Now I will put myself first💜! 

My message to you is to trust in Gods promise. He has a plan for your life. He will not lead you astray. I’m a testament to that. So trust in your journey. Yea, you may feel lost and yea you may feel alone, but know this you are not alone because I too have been in that place your in at this moment. I know that if you don’t give up amazing things will happen in your life. 

Blessed and Highly Favored, 

Ebony Monae! 

ps,

Keep GOING💜

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Feeling THE BERN🔥🔥🔥

Tuesday was NY state primary for president and I voted for Bernie Sanders. Why? Simple, because I believe in everything he stands for. He is a man that’s stands for many! He has ideas that can transform this nation. 

Sadly we did not win New York for him, but he is catching up to Hilary Clinton in the polls. He can change our nation. It’s time we ALL took a stand against big money in politics, healthcare, education, climate change, incarceration. Too many people have been quiet for to long. We must stand up and demand these changes. 
  
Bernie know this I’m with you! I’m with you until you decide you have gave it your all. Like I said on my Instagram post “I’m with you like Cap and Bucky till the end of the line.” (Follow me, ebony_monaes_thoughts) 

People ask me all the time your a woman why not vote for a women. It’s not about gender, it’s about people that are falling through the cracks in our nation. It’s about a nation that’s for everyone not just the 1%, it’s about ALL AMERICANS! Hilary doesn’t stand for everyone. Last week Verizon employees went on strike because 40,000 jobs are be outsourced to India. Did I see Hilary rallying with these Americans that are going to loose there jobs? No! Why because she doesn’t CARE! To know what we ordinary citizens go through you have to speak to us. You have to come down your high horse and see what we face everyday. 

Why I’m voting for Bernie because education and healthcare reform is dear to my heart. I’m a college student that in my junior year I faced a lot of health problems. As I graduate in May, I am coming out of college with a lot of school debt that I’m an struggling to pay back. Why? Because there are not a lot of jobs that can pay me what I need to survive. I cut back on a lot of things just to put money in other areas of my life such as bills. Bills (I hate that word)!!

Bernie Sanders you had my vote and that of many of my friends. We STAND WITH YOU because you are fighting for causes that matter. These causes will affect our children futures. We got to make sure things are done right by them. 

Thank you Bernie Sanders for standing up for the 99%! 

Feeling The Bern, 

Ebony Monae🔥🔥

Vote, we can’t not have bigots like Donald Trump running this Country!! 

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Know Your Worth!

  
R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!! 

 Hunny have respect for yourself. LOVE yourself. Do not let anyone put you down, make you feel worthless. You are beautiful! You are amazing! You are NOT what they said you are! The basis for all relationships is RESPECT. 

Lauren Hill, she is just a beautiful soul. Take her words to heart. If she/he doesn’t respect you, then they don’t DESERVE you! I can attest to this. I been through it. I let them do that to me. In the end I learned myself worth. I learned that,  NO you will not speak to me that way. NO you will not put me down, make me feel inferior. The day I said NO I started living for ME! 

Furthermore do not go by what you see on TV. Nowadays you see these woman on these reality shows that let these men make them look like a fool. They have no respect for there relationships or the woman they are dating. Do Not be taken for a fool for any man/women that do not know how to be in a healthy and stable relationship! It’s not cute or healthy to be treated like that. Know Your Worth! 

Lastly, it’s okay to be alone. Don’t be afraid of being alone. There is beauty in growing and learning about yourself. Don’t be disrespected. Don’t stand for that. I understand it’s not easy to walk a way, but understand this there is beauty in walking away! 

Giving it to you Straight, 

EbonyMonae💜

After College, Anger, Black Girl, Confess, Extreme Sadness, Food for thought, Frustration, Heartbreak, Lost Girl, Needs Direction, Quarter Life Crisis, Uncategorized

Lost in Translation😔

I finished my last semester of my undergrad last December. I can not stress how  happy I am that I completed my BA as it had been a long time coming. 

But as that chapter came to a close. Another opens. I began to ask myself questions like what to do next with my life? What comes after this achievement? Are all people lost like I am? Or is it just me? 

I see my friends are having children, getting married and know what they want to do with there lives and I just don’t. I thought as you grow up you know what steps to take next in life. I thought when I became an adult there was a manual on life. I know after high school it’s college. I did that. What’s after college? More college? How do I begin to live life when I don’t even know what I want to do with my life. 

When I look at other educational  options all I see is more testing or more money to spend that I don’t have. It’s a major turn off for me. I pride myself on being an example for my siblings. Even though two are older than me and another is younger I refuse to be another statistic. I want to show them that there is other options to life than what we have been exposed to. But when I see all that goes into furthering myself it’s discouraging. I don’t want to do anything with myself. Then I start to feel like a failure. A big fat failure. Ugh why does life have to be so damn on confusing and frustrating. 

Can anyone relate to this? I’m 26 and yet so confused more than ever about life. Hopefully I will find some much needed direction soon. 

Lost girl, 

EbonyMonae 

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Thank You And Happy Birthday!! 

  
Thank You Dr. Martin Luther King. Because of you and others, people of color and other races have come a long way towards equality. You gave us a voice. Growing up my grandmother use to sing you praises. Young me thought why? He’s just another preacher. She sat me down and explained to me that you were more.  You were a vision of hope. She described what life was like growing up in the south. She recalled not facing extreme racism like her brothers and sisters due to her lighter skin tone but she remembered how she felt. She felt worthless. 

My grandmother engrained in me to be humble and most of all thankful. Young me wouldn’t understand the significance of her words until later on in my life. 

I won’t put you on a pedalstool because like any other human you had flaws. But I will say that you paved the way for young people like me to not have to take a seat in the back of the bus, a right to equal education, the right to be African America in a country when racicm is still much alive. 

Your bravery and courage paved the way for a black man to be President of the United States. 

It saddens me to see young men and woman forgetting about the people who fought and died for some of the luxuries they have today. It saddens me to see the younger generation putting pop stars as there idols based on looks and the money they flash around. 

It breaks my heart to see we have entered an era where young men and woman are dying at the hands of police officers and that our legal system is failing them.  Justice is not being served. It’s time we all stand up for what matters. No longer should we be silent on these matters. 
We have a voice and it’s our turn to take up the torch and march forward. 

Thankful, 

Ebony Monae

ps,

Wishing you a very special Birthday in Heaven!! 


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Stopped being Alive and started LIVING!!

Hey fellow bloggers, it’s been a long time since I written. I been going through things. And when I go through things I turn to my writing but even that I didn’t want to do because my feelings and emotions were all over the place.

Since I last written I gained a beautiful niece👶🏾and nephew👶🏾. I have had surgery, ended my semester somewhat okay. I got a different position at my job. Life should be going good right? Wrong it’s not. I should not be complaining because through it all I’m still breathing, I have food in my belly and clothes on my back I should be blessed. But deep down inside I am lost.

I am at a cross road in my life and I feel lost and lonely and scared. I am lost because I don’t know what direction to take with my life. Scared because I don’t want to make the wrong choice and end up looking stupid in life. Lonely because when I see my friends and family settling down and starting a family I have no one to do any of that with.

I recently read a book that put what I was feeling into perspective. “Stop being alive and start LIVING” That is what I am doing with my life. I thought life has times when I have to do certain things and they don’t. Its okay to not have those things others have in there lives because everyone is different and god has a different plan for everyone.

Life is all about living and that is what I plan on doing. Stop being afraid to be lonely because someone is out there for me and stop being lost and take one day at time because life has a funny way of showing you things that matter most.

💜💜 Ebony Monae💜💜
To anyone that is feeling this just remember life is supposed to be LIVED. So START LIVING💝💝

Confess, Food for thought, Heartbreak, Inner Strength, Love, Love Life, love Yourself

🔥Slow Dancing in Burning Room🔥

The words of this song just speaks to me. When you love someone even when you know that person is not for. Even when you know that there is someone out there so much better than them. Even when you know that relationship is doomed from the start. Your heart just wants what your heart wants. After all the tears and the pain you know you LOVE yourself more this time around. I find myself picking up the phone wanting to call you to see how your doing more than anything. I find myself just day dreaming about us what could have been.  The hardest thing I had to do was walk away from something that I knew was not for me. People reading this is probably like she is crazy that is the easiest thing. But it is not, not when you loved someone with all your heart and soul. Not when you gave your all and all your firsts to this person. Not when you fought so hard to be together. The heart is a funny organism it plays tricks on you. It loves the people who are not good for us but it does not love the ones are the best for us. Too all those that left because you knew that you were slow dancing in a burning in a room, this post is for you. Too finding new love, too finding yourself, too living a life free of tears THIS BLOG POST IS FOR US.

💜💜 EbonyMonae 💜💜

Authors, Beautiful, Book Review, Colleen Hoover, Confess, love Yourself

Confess Book Review

I recently finished reading the book Confess by Colleen Hoover.  Blown away does not even describe how I was feeling after reading this book. Colleen Hoover has such a way with words it is truly blessing.  As a reader she takes the reader to the place of her characters.  Owen and Auburn story was beautifully written.  It was detailed and connected in such away that leaves the reader memorized.  For my followers who likes to read please read this you will not be disappointed.

You can see my review on goodreads on the site below and also on here. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1213959069?book_show_action=false

“I’ll love you forever. Even when I can’t.” “I’ll love you forever. Even when I shouldn’t” (ugly cry)

BLOWN AWAY!!! I LOVE COLLEEN HOOVER!! This woman has a way with words. She can make you feel everything her characters are feeling. I was laughing and crying throughout the book. Her characters pain were my pain. Owen bless his heart has been through so much in such a short amount of time. Auburn I loved how you fought for what you wanted at the end, for too long you let others walk all over you and disrespect you. This book moved me. I fell in love with the love they had for each other. She makes me believe in true love and the power it wields. Don’t want to give to much away, but please read this book you will not be disappointed.

This book was an amazing read. I finished it in one day. I am huge fan of your work. Every male character she writes about makes me fall in love with them. Keep writing please because I will read every book.

Happy Reading!!!!!!